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By Rabbi Naftoly Bier
ספר בראשית, the book of Genesis is described as ספר הישר, the manual of the ultimate behavior befitting and gifted to all by Hashem.
When we study the happenings of our אבות ואמהות, our Patriarchs and Matriarchs, there are many “small” details that teach us profoundly important life lessons. Let us examine some from this week’s portion, פרשת ויצא.
1) The verse states “וישכב במקום ההוא, And he (Yaakov Avinu) slept in that place.” Chazal teach us that he didn’t go directly to חרן, Haran as directed by his parents, but rather studied for fourteen years in the yeshiva of שם ועבר. Why? He understood that going to Lavan’s home would present a supreme challenge to retain his spirituality in an incompatible environment. Any time one is entering a formidable challenging environment one has to prepare oneself with vision, dedication, and mindfulness.
2) In chapter 29:3 it states that our patriarch, Jacob, “beholds a well in the field… three flocks of sheep lay beside it… for the stone above the well was large…ˮ He is puzzled and bothered by what seems to be dishonesty on their part, sitting idly, though they are being paid… Immediately he greets them, “My brothers, where are you from?” In verse 7, he remonstrates them, “Look the day is long … water the flock and go on grazing!” But they said we can’t till every shepherd joins us due to the heavy weight of the rock.
Why did he call them brothers; he is a stranger in a strange land? Secondly, why does he criticize them, after all maybe it’s too difficult?
Firstly we learn, if one wants to truly enable another to contemplate if their behavior is correct, one must with sensitivity and caring to immediately convey deep caring and love for another; “My brothers!” Imagine upon seeing Yaakov – they perceive a saint, a noble, spiritual giant – and they are greeted as brothers! But initially he asked them where they are from, for if they have traveled they must be exhausted and therefore its explainable, why they aren’t watering their flock. First, always, give someone the benefit of the doubt.
When they answer they are “local”, Yaakov admonishes them. Yaakov’s mode of operation is that if something has to get done, it will get done, no matter the challenge. If one has a true sense of obligation and responsibility, one’s adrenaline will go into full force – for “וקויי ה’ יחליפו כח” (Isaiah 40:31), if we have to accomplish, Hashem will partner with us and actualize our efforts.
3) We study the story of Yaakov Avinu’s decision to marry Rachel, the younger daughter of Laban, rather than Leah, the older daughter. Rachel knowing her father will deceive Yaakov, valiantly protects the dignity of her older sister by teaching the codes that Yaakov had made with her and stands by while Yaakov marries Leah. Didn’t she know that Yaakov might not work another seven years to marry her? Also maybe he wouldn’t want to have two sisters as wives. (The רמב”ן מח:ז teaches us that he actually was “embarrassed” that he did…)
HaRav Nosson Wachtfogel taught that we being instructed that “עולם חסד יבנה, the foundation of the world, all growth and accomplishment is due to one dynamic – the idea of חסד, of selfless dedication to another. A nation of great people, the Jewish people, it’s fundamental basis is chesed. The ultimate expression of undiluted chesed, caring for another, is the total negation of self interest and rather, to focus on another’s situation. Therefore the initial building blocks of the nation necessitated Rachel to completely annul for the moment all aspirations to marry Yaakov – and to rely on Hashem.
Chesed doesn’t just mean to help another, it definitely precludes one who performs chesed to draw attention to oneself; its true meaning and essence is altruistic emulation of Hashem, whose chesed is inherently magnanimous.
4) Another lesson is that one’s decision has to be predicated on the total perspective of how one’s actions will affect others. Though initially Rachel could argue that Yaakov’s intention is to specifically marry me; if so how can I pain him (and myself). Rather she thought of the ramifications of such a decision and gained a totally new perspective. In life we are faced with many decisions, even asked to advise another; it’s imperative to spend time to evaluate every angle of a given situation.
5) The ספורנו, Sforno 30:29 explains the words – “You know how I served you – and what your livestock were with me” in the following manner. Yaakov told Laban, “the flock that was entrusted with me, I fixed their broken limbs and cured those that were sick” – behavior that is proper to proficient, “top of the line” shepherds. Yaakov Avinu was the epitome of one who studied Torah consistently and vigorously, 24/7. His “life” was total immersion in Torah. Yaakov Avinu teaches us that if one is hired by someone; if possible, has to develop into the exemplar of one’s trade – studying and becoming an expert in every facet of one’s vocation. This is the true embodiment of dedicated responsibility. He became a veterinarian!
6) Rachel names her first son יוסף. One connotation is אסף את חרפתי, until now I was criticized for my mistakes; now I can blame it on my dedication to my child. Rachel, who was childless, who is in a state of ecstasy teaches us that for one truly expresses one’s appreciation, it’s only authentic if one recognizes all the minute details of another’s benefaction.
