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By Rabbi Naftoly Bier
In the beginning of the week’s parsha, we read of the epic battle waged by Yehuda to save Binyomin. Truthfully, the stakes couldn’t be higher; Yosef and Yehuda, two people worthy of sovereignty, are fighting for what they feel will affect the destiny of mankind.
Yosef’s plan was to bring the brothers to an awareness of their mistake in selling him, a manifestation of their lack of unequivocal love for one another. If successful, the Medrash says, “The world would have reached its apex- and Yosef would have been Moshiach.”
Yehuda, on the other hand, is aware that if Binyomin is left behind with Yosef, Yaakov Avinu would die due to the pain of losing two sons and subsequently the family would disintegrate and dissolve.
Two giants determined to “save the world”; who will be convinced by the other? The Medrash Rabbah 93:4 explains metaphorically in what manner Yehuda was able to convince Yosef to free Binyomin:
In ה :כ משלי, it states: ״מים עמוקים עצה בלב איש, ואיש תבונה ידלנו” “The designs in a person’s mind are deep waters, but a person of understanding can draw them out.” This is a metaphor:
A village has discovered a new well, whose sparkling spring water has attracted the towns- people to try to fetch it. Each person valiantly tries with their rope and bucket to reach the water, but unfortunately no one is successful. A “wise person” then asks all the others to lend him their ropes, whereupon receiving them he ties them together and is able to gain water for all.
Why the use of the connotation “wise”? Wouldn’t it be more fitting to say “practical”? We are being taught a profound lesson in human behavior.
Every person is involved with their “rope and bucket”, many people deal with a situation even if it pertains to another, as if everyone reacts or should react the way they do. The wise person sees the expansiveness and totality of a situation; he or she is one who encompasses the large picture and acts accordingly- asking all for their ropes. A simple solution, but only one who is wise thinks of it.
Wisdom is defined by selflessness; the appreciation of the totality of all the dynamics involved.
This is the foundation of “Malchus”, Torah royalty- the ability to absorb another’s feelings, sensitivities, “intellectual bent”, and emotions, and subsequently being able to communicate with others “on their turf”, profoundly touching a chord of their emotional makeup.
This idea is demonstrated by the profound lesson of חז”ל regarding משה רבינו, Moses our leader. Rashi, in שמות ב:יא, Exodus 2:11, on the words “וירא בסבלותם”, “ And he observed their burdens”, explains that Moshe “placed his eyes and his heart to grieve with them.” This constitutes two components, 1) he first intellectually absorbed their pain and suffering, and then 2) he placed himself emotionally in ‘their bodies’, as if he himself was actually suffering their plight.
This is what Yehuda was able to accomplish. In all relationships, being it marriage, siblings, or friends, it is imperative to “tie the ropes together”, to absorb the personality of another if we are to truly and honestly advise them, if we are to be successful in “merging” two different people into one cohesive unit of love and appreciation.
The usual, normative reaction to any obligation or situation is to judge another objectively, while for myself subjectively. They have to, I can’t! Success in life is the opposite; I must! Maybe they need empathy, encouragement, assistance, or they just have endured a difficult situation and need time to relax. This is true wisdom; absorbing another person or group in an expansive, thoughtful, penetrating and selfless manner.
Yehuda said to Yosef, “I have never met a person who empathetically inquires about another’s father and family as you have, my neighbor of twenty-two years hasn’t! I can’t imagine the pain and anguish you will have if my father dies due to Binyomin being held captive! He touched the inner soul of Yosef, and immediately Yosef relented and proclaimed, “I am Yosef”!
But in order to accomplish this it was imperative that Yehuda speak in a specific manner. In משלי, Proverbs, it states: “A gentle response alloys wrath, a harsh word provokes anger.” Though Yehuda was very upset and angry at Yosef for ridiculously accusing Binyomin of stealing his ‘cup of sorcery’ and for putting his father’s life in danger, nevertheless he spoke to him softly As רבינו בחיי states: “Despite his anger, Yehuda was an extremely wise person, one who had the internal strength both intellectually and emotionally to stay calm in order to mollify, soothe the apparent anger of Yosef.
A lesson for all life situations; understand wisely how the other thinks and reacts! And always stay calm, with total control of oneself.
